picks and paperclips

or...2 pints of Guinness and good conversation...

last night

[even though the world is slightly spinning now]

was amazing. the perfect night to leave to go home on.

[funny how the world works that way!]

it started with 2 pints of Guinness and good conversation. an old dear friend and i went out to the Hawley Arms

[apparently a haunt of Noel Fielding's...nice...]

drank and hang out, great conversation, i just adore him. it was great, then off to the gig at The Good Ship. awesome venue. great bar. stood outside and handed out flyers, and then inside to watch The Stayaways

[myspace.com/stayaways]

think punk rock meets 1960's pop. their recorded stuff is good but they are just fantastic live. and theres only three of them. all wonderful boys. got people to sign up on the mailing list, then drank and danced with the boys and two other americans who are fans. all here on the BUNAC program.

awesome.

we were at the venue until late in the night, like 3 am. or maybe later, not sure. the boys made sure i was alright, no one hassled me, danced with me and generally had a raucous good time.

then crashed out at the bassists house, there was monopoly and a garden fox.

this morning, the trip home, i realised that it was the perfect night to go home on...and that yesterday the great, the iconic, the amazing Joe Strummer died, five years ago. it was almost like Joe Strummer was looking at me and thanking me for my devotion to him, giving me this almost perfect night. good friends, old and new, good music and a good time.

what more can a girl ask for?

ahh...the grit and the gross...i miss it

one of the guys at city rockers just got back from NYC. he keeps talking about the subways, once you get the hang of them they're really easy.

it just made me extraordinarily homesick. i want to ride the subways, get off and get that gorgeous blast of hot smelly air. lord i miss the city. love it here, but miss the city...

home soon...

i walk the line

like mr. cash, i walk a fine line. but mine isn't about battling inner demons in the arena of love

[for that, see a later installment]

no, mine have to do with my feeling useless. my line is between my supreme arrogance and my innate insecurity. this is rearing its ugly head in terms of my work. its amazing how just one brush with reality can knock your block off.

[never used that term before, wow it was fun...]

i realised today that my job at RadarMaker

[PR firm]

is really part time. it came when i was thinking about my week. now, i know it was part time, but i didn't really know... you know?

then of course this sent me spiraling into a self-loathing rant, i don't have jobs lined up to make enough money as i think i should be doing, still relying on my parents etc. etc. gotta love it. but really, what is wrong with me? in three weeks i have gotten two jobs

[albeit one unpaid...]

an interview that came with a promise of a job, much like MJM, which i probably shouldn't forget...and connections. three weeks! but no, its not good enough. sometimes i think i see time differently, but i know this is not true. its that i really feel my time off. and sometimes i love it. take tomorrow, i am meeting Jess, *hopefully* going to the national portrait gallery to see the pop art exhibition, meeting the boys in the punk band to talk about helping them out...its not a lost day. but when not focusing on the specifics it feels lost.

moments of self doubt are scary. its what the poets write about, more i think than love [lost, found or demented] at least the good ones are really talking about those monsters that live within and demand to be fed every once in a while.

[is it cheesy to quote a song, especially a song as popular (i hope) as 'believe' by the bravery? whatever, i wont quote, just paraphrase. we hide from some beast, but the beast is always there, watching without eyes, because the beast is just my fear... ok not so much paraphrase as end up quoting...]

its moments like these that remind me why we turn to art, why "emo" is so popular...

[i mean, not really understanding why emo is popular, but the understanding why the whiny singing is so popular]

the songs have the power to empathise

[the ocean-the bravery ]

or to snap you out of it

[tick, tick, boom and try it again-the hives]

oh i haven't talked about this yet, but the new hives album, the black and white album is just really good. totally up, weird rocking out music, like the first strokes album. but with the touch of strange

['puppet song', or the instrumental 'stroll through hives manor']

to make the album more than just

[and i say just with the understanding of how stupid that word is...]


rock'n'roll...

i digress...but it has made me feel better. and tomorrow will be lovely. and i am in in the mood for the strange rice concoction i made at midnight last night. and tea. always tea.

innate optimism

its funny how different forms of communication match the people in your life.

e-mail is my dad's thing. we send short sweet, extremely important e-mails often. they make me smile every time and are unbelievably important. but thats how i experience my dad. short, sweet bits of conversation, each incredibly potent and powerful.

[not few and far between].

with my mom, its the phone. long luxurious phone conversations, where everything is shared and there is never enough time. she and J are the only people in the world that make talking on the phone not only bearable, but fun even. everything is in her inflection, just hearing her voice lets me know how she is, where she is and what she is doing. that is always how i experience my mom, long comfortable conversations

[again, not few and far between]

that could last for hours and cover everything.

its funny. the mediums just work with their personalities.

i think i miss my family.

i was just sitting here, looking out my window, this sunday afternoon. there is a brilliant blue sky framing the picturesque row houses

[with a giant red crane poking up in the distance]

thinking about home. where i am going to live

[if i get my genie-in-a-bottle wish, both NYC and London]

and how i have this innate optimism. and where on earth does that come from...i have just done this thing, this incredibly scary thing. moving to a different country, a different city, alone, no job, no house. and here i am, making it work. i think that comes from the knowledge that i am safe. i have this safety blanket, these catch-alls. i have a ticket home. and then one home again in april, and if anything were to happen to me i could go home at any time.

more than that though, i know i have a home to go to. my parents house will always be the place where i can go, not just to visit, but to live if need be. that feeling allows me to know that i can do anything, go anywhere and succeed at it. because if i don't i have a safe haven where there will be no judgement

[a thorough processing...but no judgement]

no criticism, just open, warm arms and a place to put my head and watch TV.

a confusing dream

so i just woke up

[in my new room!]

from a dream that was probably spawned from watching too much paranormal television...and...something. not sure what else. so J and I were helping a guy, no name, just knew he was important and we were like his sidekicks. we killed some sort of demon or evil man, burning him in his front yard. we were at the campus of a school of some sort. then someone came out and saw us. J and I ran

[on orders from the guy]

across snowy wooded areas. i had a deal with boots before the killing, and we ran into a house, where i was going to change my boots and continue running. but it turns out we walked right into the administration building where the police were headquartered. now, i wasn't worked over as an accomplice, but because my work

[academic work]

was challenging and the headmaster didn't understand it. one teacher pulled out what she thought was my best essay. it was about an Akira Kurosawa film. and in the dream i just pulled out this explanation as to why Kurosawa's films are so violent. i said something about demonized Japanese in films in the 40's and 50's then they had to reassert power in the 60's and 70's or something.

now, i think i have seen a Kurosawa film once in my life. and i don't think it was violent. it was all very strange.

[i can bullshit with the best of them even in my subconscious]

the administrator was making me cry and all i could think was thank god i've already graduated from college...then i woke up.

anyway...i haven't updated in a while. its been a strange week. the first couple of days were very busy, then B came and we went to Oxford circus and wandered, looking at the store windows marvelling at the artistry of them.

thursday came and went, slightly uneventfully, supposed to go to Canterbury but didn't make it. then last night, i went to Alexandra Palace to see Bloc Party and The Cribs.

it was an awesome show.

[even though i fell down and hurt my knee seriously]

the cribs were great, working really hard with catchy punk songs. very nice.

[myspace.com/thecribs]

bloc party was amazing...

[myspace.com/blocparty]
i don't really listen to them, only sort of, but it was this incredible feeling being in the midst of all of these devoted fans and me not being one of them. i felt their passion for this band, this music and these words. it was really cool.

and i thought, watching the band, how neat it would be to have your job be the thing you are passionate about, but also to have your job be looking cool, just

[supposedly]

being yourself and looking like you are on the edge of

[pretty mainstream]

fashion.

it would be a interesting, good and difficult life i'm sure.

i had an excellent day, and am still recovering from it...

yesterday was nearly perfect. i spent the day editing video. a behind the scenes video of a band called Does It Offend You Yeah?

[myspace.com/doesitoffendyou

they are sort of like Daft Punk, but from Essex. they are good, i was working on the video shoot for a single which is supremely catchy.

i keep trying to show people in my life but wherever i try to put it up, the file is just too big. damn...oh well.

anyway, after working on the video, my boss took me out to a pub. we hung out with her friends which was really fun, many different interesting people...and then jamie and matt from the rakes showed up...im pretty sure its one of those things that could be categorized as a nearly perfect day. however, im pretty hungover today...oops.

i need to get up and take a shower now, city rockers for a bit and then an interview with the producer called pinky.

excellent...

a little nervous about tomorrow

the music was good on friday. it was weird to be out by myself, but i

[actually]

met people and had a great time.

[met a boy-tall skinny, cardigan...the whole works that was a nice point in the evening]

the metros

[myspace.com/themetrosband]

were great, nice stage presence, really fun poppy songs that remind me of the rock of the 60's.

[i do believe it's coming back folks!]

the displacements were fine, they had two great songs, but the rest sounded a bit too much like fall out boy for my taste.

yesterday was spent at the London Dungeons. that was totally fun. hokey as hell, with some good history and some excruciatingly bad history in it. all completely cheesy and really quite nice. one fantastic moment was the tyburn ride. they actually made a drop ride the height of tyburn

[a gallows that was in fact three put together, the walk to it while less than a mile usually took like 3 hours to complete because of the crowds that came to see people get hanged. dancing the tyburn jig was what the hanging were called. its the sense of frivolity toward death which i just love about the english...]

so it actually felt like you were getting hanged without the pesky noose and getting dead part.

today was supremely lazy. most of it spent in bed with an expedition to Morrisons for some things that i needed like coffee.

but mostly today was spent thinking about tomorrow. i start my part time job at the PR firm tomorrow. im excited and i have these moments of what if im not good at it, but mostly im just excited. and tuesday i have an interview...so to city rockers then to the interview.

this morning as i was waking up i was so sure i was in my bed at home. it was the most bizarre feeling waking up and realizing i was in a different country. im very excited to go home, mostly because it doesnt feel like christmas here. which is fine for me because christmas isnt so much the days leading up to it

[but i did get an awesome advent calendar from J]

its the snow and the family and the candles and the fire. as i am writing this the Hanukkah candles are burning and i love the firelight. its the best part of the dark season. the fire.

as much as i want to go home, i am really happy here. i have created this life, made it myself. and it is really starting to be something.

its almost like im living in a movie, all the parts of the montage that one doesnt get to see but are equally as good.

but without the danger music, thats really what i need, some danger music.

but i guess i do have a soundtrack. thank god for the ipod.

Its all moving along nicely

just a quick update, no psuedo-intellectual rants tonight. i am now working for a woman who runs a digital pr firm for bands a couple days a week. she is originally from Boston but moved here and through a series of lucky breaks ended up gaining residency. anyway, she left the record company she was working for

[v2 or atlantic or something, can't remember]

and started her own digital pr company. it sounds really cool, screwing around on the internet, editing footage of bands, helping them get their records, gigs, sound out there. im really excited. and i'm going to get paid! not a lot, but some. and i have a meeting on tuesday with a producer called Pinky. she is a freelance producer that may need some help.

this is what i would love to have happen, work for Pinky two days a week, Karen [PR lady] two days a week and City Rockers one day a week.

it all seems to be shaping up nicely. and tonight i go to see The Metros and i think The Displacements, at KOKO. then tomorrow to the London Dungeons with friends!
how exciting.

i have also been thinking of buying a new phone. i kind of hate mine, and there is a cool orange and black one, but the wiser idea would to be to save my money and spend it one something else...or i could get a cool new phone...

we shall see... its just so pretty!

What Qualifies as a Good Day

today could be classified as totally excellent day. it was my first day at City Rockers,

[cityrockers.com]

which was a day spent creating band profiles on websites that are basically copies of Myspace and Facebook. it was totally surreal. i was doing what people my age do to procrastinate.

and i got free Cd's.

and i got to choose which new Sunshine Underground track went on their Myspace site.

[myspace.com/thesunshineunderground]

and the guys i work for are so very very cool. and they hooked me up with a woman who does PR, so we shall see if she emails me back. and on the way home, i was walking with one of them, talking about various things; politics... Hanukkah... and he said i could come in any time to work. it didn't have to be one day a week. that if i wasn't doing anything and was bored i could come in. he also said i should email him so that he could get me contact information of production companies that they have made videos with.

i felt so unbelievably like i was in a movie, walking home through the streets of Camden listening to my music, a combination of the bravery, johnny cash and tokyo police club,

[with a track of Hot Hot Heat to reignite my interest in them]

bought the last dregs of the Chinese food

[the grease tastes SO good, and dinner only costs a pound so...]

it was pretty much perfect.

i had said to myself that if i didn't have a paying job by the time i went home for Christmas i wasn't going to come back, but now i feel like it has just taken me at least half that time to get settled into my life, and maybe by the time i leave to come home i will have just set up the job thing.

i know it takes time, this is something i always forget. it is not instant nor easy to create a life. i'm just impatient, i want my life in all aspects to move as fast as my brain does.

speaking of peas and carrots...it is not only December

[what a mind blowing concept]

but it is also the holidays! i got sent a big package with gifts in it, the first one being a menorah. now...i haven't actually lit the candles as of yet

[even thought i am in one of the countries where people smoke the most]

i have nothing with which to light said fire. but i opened my second gift...a plant, how excellent. i am so lucky to have these gifts to remind me of my family. Hanukkah has always been one of my favorite holidays. the sitting around the table seeing my family by the light of the candles, it is one of the times when my grandmother is ever present. i miss my family at this time, but it also helps me to remember who they are and why they are so important to me.

anyway, i hope that i have more than just once a week days like this, but if i only have one a week, it is worth it. i love feeling like this.

it feels so natural, as if i am meant to be doing this, living this life.

i have a giant stupid grin on my face that i hope never goes away.

so then what...

The headlining article on the Huffington Post newsletter is so unbelievably depressing. it's saying what everyone feels. that our democratic system is so corrupt that we are going to be stuck in this republican playground forever.

OK, i know i feel that, but

[and maybe this is a result of my still fresh idealism]

what do we do? it's all well and good to point out the problems. and that IS really important, if we don't know what the sickness is, then how would we be able to fix. However, it's not useful to just complain, what can we DO about it. The problem is that this seems so insurmountable. So much lying, so much back-handed dealing. what can we do? really, i think i know how the folks in pre-revolutionary France felt.

[and that's a scary thought, especially from me]

its hard to remember, in my cocoon of idealistic self analysis, or rather it is no fun to remember, that the world pretty much sucks right now. i am a student of history

[which just feeds into my non-presence here and is probably not a good thing]

and so i look at other periods of time and see what good comes from them, the revolutions that happened

[the political ones, the social ones, the cultural ones]

and i think...oh, why can't i have lived then? but then i snap out of it, and remember really what Bard taught me. the visceral experience of that history. i am positive, one hundred percent sure, unequivocally convinced that those revolutionaries felt exactly the same as i do now.

[not claiming that i am any sort of revolutionary...yet....]

i'm sure the hopelessness and despair that i feel now caused them to act, to do something.

i am now just searching for that vision, that spark of brilliance that infested their hearts and souls and led them to KNOW what they must do.

the problem is that, i want to have

[for the time being at least]

a life that isn't about revolution or great art. i want to be irresponsible and drink a little too much, have a little too much fun, go to music that is a little too loud, fall in love with people that will may or may not be "good" for me.

i want to experience the world.

Can I Do Both? at the same time? that's what this is about.

[i have been trying to figure out why i am writing this {blog i mean} and i realize that it always helps me come to a realization or renews my hope to talk, whatever the form this speaking might take.]

i want a rich life, full of revolution and superficiality.
what fun that will be.

my first regret

Its hard to admit, but i have my first regret of being here.

i am listening to The Courteeners and MGMT and i regret SO much that i didn't go to their show on friday. i could have said to the bar guy, no i am busy, and gone to the show i really wanted to. but i didn't.

they are very good, and now that i am listening to them courtesy of Myspace, i am raging pissed off. i mean, i didn't get a job immediately, it was a good experience, but i think seeing them would have been better.

something to remember. music, it grows as a part of my life everyday, i didn't realize that was possible or something that would happen to me.

pretty cool.

Internships and searching for new jobs

for the last couple of days i have been very tired and pretty busy, but mostly tired. Friday i had a meeting with the guys from City Rockers, and we decided that i would come in on Wednesdays to help out. so i think that makes me their intern.

i really like these guys. they are cool and totally invested in their business, the nuances and complications that have arisen since new media has barged its way in. its gotten complicated with CD sales going down and such. i don't know, its fascinating. and they like to talk about it. i am really excited about working with them and helping them out.

plus it'll give me a chance to show off. ya know, let them see how good i am at my job.

[a little over-confidence never hurt anyone]

later that day i went to a pub; Tommy Flynn's, and got hired for the night. it was exciting and exhausting. i did OK for the first time behind a bar. got decent tips in a country that doesn't tip, so that's nice. but drunk people are strange, and kinda creepy when they are older men. but i held my own and everything was fine. but it wasn't satisfying in the way that working in movies for me is. but i do need a job, and it pays. ah, it might be all moot, they may not even call me again. we shall see...

i did however, miss MGMT both nights they were here. which sucks, i mean really blows. but i think i will see them at some point. but i missed seeing live music this week, which is sad. but my ears are pricked and my eyes are searching for music, and i am looking for people to go see.

this is one of the points of me being here.

A [not so early] contemplation of the day before

Wednesday i went to Canterbury. met a friend i haven't seen for a year and a half. it was good to see her. the last time we saw each other, it was a kind of awkward goodbye, but this time, out of the emotional place, it was a different experience of our friendship for me. very nice. basically the whole trip was a good one, with many different kinds of feeling included and liked. everyone i saw was excited to see me [or at least that's what i felt like] it was very nice.

i have realized that while i am away from this place, i can romanticize how everyone felt about me, but when i get back i am always scared that it was all just a dream. that because i never lived with anyone i am actually not that close or liked by any of them. the nice thing is when i see them, i realize most of my romanticizations were true.

it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

and today i go to City Rockers Records and help them post on community websites or something. i have asked if they need help on a volunteer basis, and they have said yes. i figure its better to work with them in some capacity, paid or unpaid, rather than sit here and be disappointed. maybe i will become so spectacular they will hire me. or at the very least they will keep me in mind when they can hire someone.

i also need to find an actual paying job. this scares me more than anything rightfully should i must say. i feel so unprepared for "normal" jobs. oh running productions, wrangling people, making a piece of art go, that doesn't scare me the way asking for a job pulling pints does. its backwards i know. but the former is where my talents lie, and the latter i have no experience in...crap.

but i gotta make money, and what was that thing that Eleanor Roosevelt said about doing something that scares you everyday? alright woman, I'm getting to it!

and now...my daily brief on the Huffington Post... the thing that struck me today was the article [an ongoing one] on the CNN/YouTube debates. it started with being concerned with the very fact of CNN and YouTube getting together to put on a debate. this particular article was accusing CNN of being skewed. that they were much more selective about the questions for the Republican debaters than they were for the Democrats. For me that is a subconscious prejudice, that the democrats are more techno-savvy and will thus submit questions just to poke, prod and tempt the Republicans in to going on some sort of juicy rant.

but really, they had good point, some of the questions for the democrats were intense, with language that was personal and pejorative, but the one questions they let through about being gay in the military was maligned by saying the man was connected with the Clinton campaign. what bullshit i must say.

it really got me thinking though about new forms of media and a behemoth like CNN trying to control something so naturally democratic

[anarchistic]

as YouTube. They have appropriated its cool factor, the do-it-yourself-it-ness of the website, which should be a good thing. However it has become somewhat menacing, in the cynical place we all live in. We should be celebrating that CNN, a powerful news institution is using its resources, but all i can see is how they are attempting to take YouTube and turn it into something they can use and mold into what they need.

i hope that is not what happens in the world, that i am just being overly cynical. it would be great to have the untapped power of the Internet bring some anarchy to the insular news media, but all i can see happening is the news media bringing structure and control to the wild Internet. much like an older man attempting to tame his wild new wife.

[why is it always women who are the wild untapped ones and the older men the ones attempting to bring the structure?]

i'm back

just read an article about the wga strike and new media.

[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-spies/online-powers-the-picket-_b_74258.html]

the thing that strikes me the most is when she talks about the democratizing nature of internet media. she said with everyone blogging and making mobile scripts etc. ect. ect. she didn't know where the money was going or how everyone is getting paid. i just had a vision of money becoming irrelevant, bringing us towards a more utopian ideal of whatever. it must be an exciting time to be an entertainment lawyer, new ground is being broken and new worlds are being explored.

how fantastic!

Day started off gross...

so yesterday started off not good, i felt really disgusting. ill and useless. but then i made some food

[that seems to be my thing recently]

and a friend i made at the hostel called me up and we went out...on a date? i believe. how utterly strange. he was very nice and polite and well, normal. but it was fun and we saw Sleuth. Which i LOVED. i thought it was amazing. not much happened, but Kenneth Branagh made what i like to think of as cinematic theater. he staged it like he was staging theater but used cinematic tricks. i was just amazed. making filmed theater is so difficult, but Branagh made it work. It certainly helped that he had two actors who simply loved what they were doing. relished in the roles they had been given and the time they had on screen. i haven't seen in a long time a camera that loves and actor as much as the camera loves Michael Caine's lines and all the emotion leaking out of them. it was so excellent. shocking and twisted and cold and demented. Branagh did the theater thing of making the environment a representation of the main character's internal state, but the brilliant thing is that it was created by his wife! the crux of the film. it was a power struggle in the most classic sense. and it was explored in every frame, every image and every object placed in this film.

i liked it.

then we went to a pub called Tommy O'Flanagans. It had excellent music playing, photos of 60's pop icons on the walls, it was a fantastic pub. and they want experienced bar staff. i would love to work there, but i am so not experienced. i think though i am going to go today and see how devoted they are to that experienced label. we shall see. i hope i sell it right!

then off to canterbury to see the folk that i missed last time, and to see again the folk that i saw.

What constitutes a good day

this one will probably be short...

[famous last words]

thus far, today is what constitutes a good day. awoke after a restful night's sleep. made breakfast in my new kitchen

[alone]

made the excellent cup of coffee

[much harder to do in a French Press (the last one at Morrison's!)]

and read the Huffington Post. where i stumbled onto this article about former press secretary David McClellan.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jay-rosen/a-world-made-more-opaque_b_73896.html

it was an excellent article, not only for talking about what relationship the press secretary has to its press corps, but also it helped explain what vision of power this white house has, and just how dangerous and anti-democratic it actually is. very exciting.

[the huffington post is a favourite of mine at the moment, everything from film to just off the bus political reporting is going on. and a huge variety of writers, intelligent ones too!]

the man who wrote the article is named Jay Rosen and he has a blog himself, PressThink

http://journalism.nyu.edu/pubzone/weblogs/pressthink/

its subject line is the ghost of democracy in the media machine. methinks it shall be interesting...

lets find out shall we????

A Dearest Letter flies home

J went home. it was really a very hard day. in so many more ways than what was obvious. To start, we missed J's flight by like five minutes, not even. which blew. then there was the ensuing bureaucracy...gotta love it. but then came the hard part. we sat there in the airport, looking at each other across the table in

[one of the many]

pret a manger. with every minute that went by, it felt more normal that she was there and therefore harder to say goodbye.

to be honest, this morning i woke up thinking, this won't hit me now. it will hit me at some inconvenient time in the middle of the week. that this incredibly important person to me has left me, alone. not only alone here in this strange city, but alone here in this strange world.

[she is pretty intrinsic in my life, can ya tell?!?]

but we said goodbye, didn't cry, nearly did, but just didn't. then the tube was messed up on the way home. it was such a good metaphor. it just didn't work, took me a while to get home. which allowed me to listen to my music which reminded me why i am here, in this music capital of the world. then i was home, watched The Mighty Boosh

[new season is out!!!!],

made a sandwich, then more TV.

[catching up on all the stuff i missed in the last two weeks]

then i made dinner, very tasty. watched some top gear. and spent some time with my new housemates. it was very nice, quiet, not busy or too much. then more TV.

and just now, when i went downstairs to make some tea, they were watching The Mighty Boosh. On TV! in the craziness of the last few weeks i have forgotten that i get to watch all the British television in real time that i want!

and my housemates WATCH the Mighty Boosh.

[if anyone doesn't know what television show i am talking about, then first of all, you have been tuning out during my rants, or haven't been spending much time around me.]

my point is...go to Youtube.com and type in Mighty Boosh. watch any of the episodes, two guys who have adventures and sing songs. it is brilliant, demented and hilarious...and my housemates watch it!

i always look at situations or events in my life as signs along this roadtrip that i am on. the name of a restaurant, or show

[Brooklyn British Mersey Beat Soul explosion for example]

or the fact that people in my life watch something

[immensely popular in this country]

that i love.

anyway, i like it. makes me smile. lets hope this smile lasts for a while; until i get busy at least.

KOKO and frolicking in a land where boys dance with each other

last night J and I went to KOKO, a club on Camden High Street, right across from the Morning Crescent tube stop. I have heard all about it, The Libertines, The Sex Pistols, The Clash [heart flutters], Madness, infamously played there, as was Charlie Chaplin a headliner in 1900. Way Cool.

anyway, J and i went to see a group from Glasgow called We Are The Physics. They were awesome! Punk Rock played by skinny boys with astigmatisms and thick accents. the songs were short and intense, filled with energy, lots of chanting, not a lot of singing, but a whole hell of a lot of stage presence.

(For anyone interested, they are on myspace at myspace.com/wearethephysics)

they were seriously fun.

More importantly, oddly enough, MGMT is playing at the same time slot next week,

[along with two other bands, one I'm pretty excited for, The Courteeners, the other i can't remember the name, but who are a tad ambient for me.]

that is really very exciting, the last time i tried to see them, i failed spectacularly, getting there only for the last two songs. so this time i think i shall be victorious, plus they are playing the night before at a different bar like ten [walking] minutes from my house. rock on rock on.

most importantly though, nearly every song they played to dance to, was one, rock/pop n' roll, and two i knew. it is wonderful to be back in the world where boys go out to dance, even if it is only with one another. no more forced boys night out where they seek the fairer sex. i mean, yes, they certainly seek the fairer sex, but here it seems like just another reason to go out rather than THE reason to go out. it is nice. plus they look silly and fantastic jumping around insanely.

and the outfits, oh the outfits. boys in skinny jeans, girls in boots, vests [waistcoats] ran amok with seriously ratted out hair all mod-tastic and what not.

[the girls and boys, not the waistcoats]

You thought Bard was hipster, hoooh boy you have no idea!

all in all, i think i am exactly in the right place for me to be.

tonight is J's last night, which is very sad. i am hoping i don't chicken out and run back to Canterbury at least for the first few nights here by my lonesome.

which reminds me! Thanksgiving. I'll do it short and sweet, it was nice, very nice. down to canters where J and I cooked. Just five of my friends, good food and nice conversation. Plus she got to meet the important people, save one. but that's a story that is endlessly boring and repetitive. alas, a whirlwind visit to canters is not enough time to see everyone. ah well.

so, here's to the next step: the job search. Found a website, and ya know, if it comes down to it, I'll try for something in a record store, bookshop, video palace, whatever.

[they think they're so superior cos they work in a record store!]

pictures are soon to come, i left my usb cord so i need to obtain one before pictures can be shared. but rest assured, they will be!

Avant Garde and keys

today all i had to do was pick up my key and drop off a deposit. i have a key! a thing with which to lock and unlock a door to a house that will hold me for a while. very nice. so j and i went to the British library to look at the avant garde exhibition. it was wonderful, exciting and inspiring.

part of me wishes that we didn't live in an era that was so much like the future. that there was more mystery in technology, that one didn't have to be an expert in their field to understand or expand. i guess you don't have to be, but if one is not, it seems like Everest.

this exhibit was nice because it reminded me of the possibilities of the future, and what we are all meant to do, yes, in a fate sort of way. there seems to be something bubbling 'neath the surface, a passion, a manifesto, a cohesive philosophy something that would rock a foundation or tradition of some sort. i can't wait until it comes tumbling over the sides of our consciousness.

SUCCESS!!!

so today was an excellent day. it started out discouraging, but ended on a high note.

we started with a plan, then changed the plan, then changed the plan completely. wait...let me explain...i came here wanting to live alone. i wanted my own place with no one around. then i saw a studio flat in Willesden Green. a nice enough neighbourhood, but the flat was so tiny and so....alone. i realized that i would be alone, at the end of the day it would be just me.

i can't do that. i am too much of a hermit already. living alone in a strange city would just increase my likelihood of retreating, not a good plan for me.

so we changed our plan of attack entirely. i decided to look for a flatshare. a frightening thought, but it ended up being a good one.

we saw three, the first nice, in a nice place with nice people. the second in a VERY nice place with people that may have not been the best to live with. then came the last. it was in Camden, a tiny tiny room in a house. but it was perfect!
yes, very small, but in a house with the possibility of moving to a bigger room. but the room was so great, fantastic space with a fabulous patio. i am just so happy. it is perfect for me. and now J is here to make sure the people like me, and to make the room work in all its tiny glory.

A moment to remember forgetted things

there are things i forget. like how beautiful sunrises and stars are at 40,000 feet. i have always proclaimed the virtues of night flights but it really is not only practical, it is magic. As the West Wing says, they are great "because we cease to be earthbound and burdened with practicality. Asking important questions. Talking about the idea that nobody has thought about yet." it allows us to be poets.

the flight was good [ i know i am doing this backwards, but these are my recollections, and this is the way the arrive in my head] i found myself dreading getting off. it was a safe space, a warm liminal space that let me forget about all the scary things i had to do in the world. but i left, because i had to-on many levels- and it ended up well.

this is difficult, and i think we instinctively know that. which may be why people don't move all the time. i had been fooled. we moved quite a bit for the first six years of my life but it was never really hard, never my responsibility. i just went from place to place all exciting and what not, none of the hard part. i guess that is what being a grown up is...

tomorrow we go to see apartments and set up more appointments... i am excited!

a landing...not quite crash but pretty hard

we came in yesterday, thank god j is with me. our flight was delayed for two hours before take off, and then the train with my ginormous bags, where i felt pretty stupid, then the tube, then the stairs coming out of the tube, then the hostel where we couldn't get into our room for...half an hour... no, actually the trails were littered with extraordinarily friendly people giving us help and a friendly smile, joke or wittiscism... the first night was actually good, we saw the world's tiniest studio, we took a nap, then went out to look for food, slightly unsuccessfully, but we did feed ourselves, then back to the hostel for some west wing. i know, i live the high life, but it was good, it made me feel like home.

today was nice actually, we woke early and had breakfast, then looked through the newspaper endlessly and called. then we went on sort of a goosechase. down to gloucster road to a letting agency, [which might be a good option] then tried to see a flat but my directions were off, so no viewing today. so we became resolute about figuring out where things ACTUALLY are. then we came back and had dinner, nice fish and chips, [yum] and were bought drinks by whom i think was the owner, which was odd to say the least.

however, the hostel people are nice, sweet and for some reason like us.

it has been as J says classic, we circle things in the newspaper sitting next to the window in a pub. i loved that. we also wandered around SoHo and i remembered why i want to live here.

its hard sometimes to remember, because i love home so much. and miss my parents, but then i see the city, watch people interacting, wander through these amazing streets. what i need is a job and an apartment, to start living a life, not searching for one.

The last few days before i left were very hard, but also sort of a blur because i kinda denied all that was going on. i went to Philly to visit friends which was so incredibly important to me. seeing them in their new life was great, i can't wait until they actually have jobs and a life that i can pop in and out of. right now it feels a little like a vacation, but they have JUST moved in so i SUPPOSE thats okay. the night before i left i went to show in the city, Locksley was playing which was so fantastic, because they not only are amazing, but also played I Saw Her Standing There as their encore. which was pretty much a sign...also that it was called the Brooklyn British Mersey Beat Soul Explosion. ummmm...a sign i think...

Count-down to Take-off

so this is the first, of what i hope is a pretty regular posting habit.

i feel pretty silly, but really, i want to share my experience over there and its really hard to let EVERYONE know whats going on. [ain't i lucky to have SO many friends!]

rest assured there will still be personal e-mails, but this will cut down i hope on repetition... i hope.

really feel it, but Now that prologue is done, you may be asking yourselves why i am writing before i have taken the plunge. well, honestly, its because i am scared. quite scared, to the point where i don'tI'm doing something so huge, i must be scared. right?

i am really lucky, my parents are wonderful and supporting me, but it doesn't help my doubts. it seems silly to harp on it, but i have created this life here, which is fabulous, so why should i leave? but the answer is obvious to me at the same time, the reason i have been so lucky is so that when i come back, i have something and many people to come back to. now the knowledge of all that still doesn't make it any easier.

on the other hand, i am psyched. really very excited. it is so big and so incredible that i have this opportunity.

wow this writing certainly does help, i feel oddly at peace now. in a happy state of excitement, but not so much that my heart beats too fast.

for now, i am content with preparation and visiting friends in new places.