i am amazed. bewildered. in awe.
i went to see Death Cab for Cutie tonight. it was spectacular. brilliant. an incredible feeling of utter calm. it was a physiological reaction. i felt it in every fibre of my being. in a moment where i felt quiet, with no one else in my head i knew that every moment i had lived up until now was for now. every time i cried, laugh, felt pain, joy, boredom. every time nothing happened, every huge moment has been pushing me towards here, now, this moment.
that must be what zen feels like.
i had forgotten thats what movies feel like, thats what music feels like, thats what a good book feels like. it was revolutionary, it was revelatory.
suffice it to say it was nearly perfect.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
food
i have just remembered food. i haven't been eating properly, rather i have been eating but its been mostly takeaway, but this morning
[afternoon really]
i made pasta with snap peas and mushrooms. making coffee at the same time, the steam just came up into my face, reminding me how incredible food is. that first sip of coffee, that delicious just burnt taste, the way it envelopes my tongue and restarts my brain. it reminds me of every times of warmth and safety.
i've been having a lot of those moments recently. sitting in a pub feeling my jugular vein just amazed at my pulse. blood rushing through my veins, my heart pumping it and i cannot understand why it keeps going...but it just keeps going. its amazing. incredible. beautiful and fills me full of awe.
its really quite nice.
[afternoon really]
i made pasta with snap peas and mushrooms. making coffee at the same time, the steam just came up into my face, reminding me how incredible food is. that first sip of coffee, that delicious just burnt taste, the way it envelopes my tongue and restarts my brain. it reminds me of every times of warmth and safety.
i've been having a lot of those moments recently. sitting in a pub feeling my jugular vein just amazed at my pulse. blood rushing through my veins, my heart pumping it and i cannot understand why it keeps going...but it just keeps going. its amazing. incredible. beautiful and fills me full of awe.
its really quite nice.
Monday, July 7, 2008
panic attacks in the morning...
what a wonderful feeling! no, i had a panic attack this morning as my applications are STILL not sent
[waiting for ONE last recommendation...argh!]
and i realise how much, how very very much i want to stay. so i am doing what i can, and stopping worry about the things that i can't control. im going to get the application in and done, and then i had the BEST realisation...i can apply for the february session as well. and that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world! if i don't get in in september, then hopefully ill get in in february....
thank god for rolling admissions and i am hoping, praying to the universe that i can stay. because it is right. it is what i need now.
i love it here. i am so happy...
[waiting for ONE last recommendation...argh!]
and i realise how much, how very very much i want to stay. so i am doing what i can, and stopping worry about the things that i can't control. im going to get the application in and done, and then i had the BEST realisation...i can apply for the february session as well. and that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world! if i don't get in in september, then hopefully ill get in in february....
thank god for rolling admissions and i am hoping, praying to the universe that i can stay. because it is right. it is what i need now.
i love it here. i am so happy...
Saturday, July 5, 2008
the movie hangover feeling.....
unfortunately it has been FOREVER since i had a movie hangover...which sucks...but i am constantly reminded that thats why i go to shows....
i have been really lucky
[with my life in general]
and specifically thursday, friday and today....i am going to O2 wireless festival...yes a VERY corporate festival, but whatever, its Hyde Park, its sunny and good people are playing...oh yes, its free!
so thursday was interesting...the festival started, and the clouds were certainly threatening
[one of the reasons i love london is the fact that it can go from being fucking hot to a scary ass downpour in seconds]
roisin murphy was on stage, what a fucking nutcase, with the costumes and the performance...i liked her, not so much the music, a tad repetitive for my tastes but i could definitely see why she is popular, and rightfully so...
ok so halfway through the set it was like the sky just fucking lost it. torrential rains, scary biblical type rains...people screaming trying to get to the nearest tent, and it was fucking cold... but roisin murphy continued on, impressive.
AND THEN, it sorta stopped, well enough for us not to be fussed about going outside. we went and stood where Hot Chip were about to come on. they did and started. but they couldn't hear themselves, the beats were out of sync, etc...they said fuck this, we're coming on again. so the technicalities were fixed and they came out and started. And the sun broke. people's umbrellas came down, cheers went up and the rest of the genius set was played in sunshine.
hot chip are incredible. not only are the phenomenal musicians, really interesting beats created, the samples and the sounds fitting together in a fantastic way, the words fabulous and hilarious and thoughtful, BUT they are ALSO awesome performers. you just want to watch them play, want to see how they move and how they present themselves on the stage. its just really fucking cool.
THEN there was mark ronson, interesting, not AMAZING, but enjoyable to watch.
BUT jay-z came on. now i am sorta partial to rap, sometimes. but he is just awesome. a really generous performer, loving the fact that the crowd loves him and loves them right back. he also did two politically motivated songs. i swear when obama gets elected it will be partially due to jay-z and conor oberst. then he did a song about katrina...heartbreaking.
then friday. more amazing then i can handle to be honest. i met conor oberst. one of the nicest men i have EVER met. so genuine and looks you in the eye while talking to you. generous and gorgeous and sweet with beautiful songs. he played a song for us, there were three, THREE people in the room. i will never forget things like that. and then i saw BECK live. i will probably NEVER get over that. he is just an incredible artist, yes he is a crazy scientologist, but we knew the fucker was mad as a hatter anyway, so who the hell cares! he is amazing. he did a fantastic mix of old stuff and his new, brilliant stuff. he played every amazing song he has
[well not every one, cos that show would be like 10 hours long, i don't think there is one of his songs that i don't like]
but i was just so struck by him
[a little jesus lookin, or at least how i think a jesus type would look today, black on black, red tshirt, ray bans, a fedora, old well loved guitar, with long blonde hair and a 5 piece band]
but also by his awesome band. a chick guitarist who was just the embodiment of cool, a geeky ass bassist who was fantastic, drummer who knew his shit, and the two crazy weird noise makers....whatever i was floating. i am dying to see him again, would LOVE to see him in a show where its only him and the people who fucking love him.
we had to bounce before morrissey. now i like international playboy but the rest of his stuff not so much, plus morrissey fans tend to be asses and i just didn't want anything to ruin the high i had.
now today is a dancy day [not that the other two days haven't been] but some smaller bands which will be cool. does it offend you yeah is playing which will be awesome.
[im hoping we can engineer a way to get the physics to support them...heres hoping]
but mostly today is a chilled out day, no interviews for e, just essentially chilling out, drinking some and hopefully meeting up with a after the festival...if he ever texts me back!
good days....
i have been really lucky
[with my life in general]
and specifically thursday, friday and today....i am going to O2 wireless festival...yes a VERY corporate festival, but whatever, its Hyde Park, its sunny and good people are playing...oh yes, its free!
so thursday was interesting...the festival started, and the clouds were certainly threatening
[one of the reasons i love london is the fact that it can go from being fucking hot to a scary ass downpour in seconds]
roisin murphy was on stage, what a fucking nutcase, with the costumes and the performance...i liked her, not so much the music, a tad repetitive for my tastes but i could definitely see why she is popular, and rightfully so...
ok so halfway through the set it was like the sky just fucking lost it. torrential rains, scary biblical type rains...people screaming trying to get to the nearest tent, and it was fucking cold... but roisin murphy continued on, impressive.
AND THEN, it sorta stopped, well enough for us not to be fussed about going outside. we went and stood where Hot Chip were about to come on. they did and started. but they couldn't hear themselves, the beats were out of sync, etc...they said fuck this, we're coming on again. so the technicalities were fixed and they came out and started. And the sun broke. people's umbrellas came down, cheers went up and the rest of the genius set was played in sunshine.
hot chip are incredible. not only are the phenomenal musicians, really interesting beats created, the samples and the sounds fitting together in a fantastic way, the words fabulous and hilarious and thoughtful, BUT they are ALSO awesome performers. you just want to watch them play, want to see how they move and how they present themselves on the stage. its just really fucking cool.
THEN there was mark ronson, interesting, not AMAZING, but enjoyable to watch.
BUT jay-z came on. now i am sorta partial to rap, sometimes. but he is just awesome. a really generous performer, loving the fact that the crowd loves him and loves them right back. he also did two politically motivated songs. i swear when obama gets elected it will be partially due to jay-z and conor oberst. then he did a song about katrina...heartbreaking.
then friday. more amazing then i can handle to be honest. i met conor oberst. one of the nicest men i have EVER met. so genuine and looks you in the eye while talking to you. generous and gorgeous and sweet with beautiful songs. he played a song for us, there were three, THREE people in the room. i will never forget things like that. and then i saw BECK live. i will probably NEVER get over that. he is just an incredible artist, yes he is a crazy scientologist, but we knew the fucker was mad as a hatter anyway, so who the hell cares! he is amazing. he did a fantastic mix of old stuff and his new, brilliant stuff. he played every amazing song he has
[well not every one, cos that show would be like 10 hours long, i don't think there is one of his songs that i don't like]
but i was just so struck by him
[a little jesus lookin, or at least how i think a jesus type would look today, black on black, red tshirt, ray bans, a fedora, old well loved guitar, with long blonde hair and a 5 piece band]
but also by his awesome band. a chick guitarist who was just the embodiment of cool, a geeky ass bassist who was fantastic, drummer who knew his shit, and the two crazy weird noise makers....whatever i was floating. i am dying to see him again, would LOVE to see him in a show where its only him and the people who fucking love him.
we had to bounce before morrissey. now i like international playboy but the rest of his stuff not so much, plus morrissey fans tend to be asses and i just didn't want anything to ruin the high i had.
now today is a dancy day [not that the other two days haven't been] but some smaller bands which will be cool. does it offend you yeah is playing which will be awesome.
[im hoping we can engineer a way to get the physics to support them...heres hoping]
but mostly today is a chilled out day, no interviews for e, just essentially chilling out, drinking some and hopefully meeting up with a after the festival...if he ever texts me back!
good days....
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