Wednesday i went to Canterbury. met a friend i haven't seen for a year and a half. it was good to see her. the last time we saw each other, it was a kind of awkward goodbye, but this time, out of the emotional place, it was a different experience of our friendship for me. very nice. basically the whole trip was a good one, with many different kinds of feeling included and liked. everyone i saw was excited to see me [or at least that's what i felt like] it was very nice.
i have realized that while i am away from this place, i can romanticize how everyone felt about me, but when i get back i am always scared that it was all just a dream. that because i never lived with anyone i am actually not that close or liked by any of them. the nice thing is when i see them, i realize most of my romanticizations were true.
it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.
and today i go to City Rockers Records and help them post on community websites or something. i have asked if they need help on a volunteer basis, and they have said yes. i figure its better to work with them in some capacity, paid or unpaid, rather than sit here and be disappointed. maybe i will become so spectacular they will hire me. or at the very least they will keep me in mind when they can hire someone.
i also need to find an actual paying job. this scares me more than anything rightfully should i must say. i feel so unprepared for "normal" jobs. oh running productions, wrangling people, making a piece of art go, that doesn't scare me the way asking for a job pulling pints does. its backwards i know. but the former is where my talents lie, and the latter i have no experience in...crap.
but i gotta make money, and what was that thing that Eleanor Roosevelt said about doing something that scares you everyday? alright woman, I'm getting to it!
and now...my daily brief on the Huffington Post... the thing that struck me today was the article [an ongoing one] on the CNN/YouTube debates. it started with being concerned with the very fact of CNN and YouTube getting together to put on a debate. this particular article was accusing CNN of being skewed. that they were much more selective about the questions for the Republican debaters than they were for the Democrats. For me that is a subconscious prejudice, that the democrats are more techno-savvy and will thus submit questions just to poke, prod and tempt the Republicans in to going on some sort of juicy rant.
but really, they had good point, some of the questions for the democrats were intense, with language that was personal and pejorative, but the one questions they let through about being gay in the military was maligned by saying the man was connected with the Clinton campaign. what bullshit i must say.
it really got me thinking though about new forms of media and a behemoth like CNN trying to control something so naturally democratic
[anarchistic]
as YouTube. They have appropriated its cool factor, the do-it-yourself-it-ness of the website, which should be a good thing. However it has become somewhat menacing, in the cynical place we all live in. We should be celebrating that CNN, a powerful news institution is using its resources, but all i can see is how they are attempting to take YouTube and turn it into something they can use and mold into what they need.
i hope that is not what happens in the world, that i am just being overly cynical. it would be great to have the untapped power of the Internet bring some anarchy to the insular news media, but all i can see happening is the news media bringing structure and control to the wild Internet. much like an older man attempting to tame his wild new wife.
[why is it always women who are the wild untapped ones and the older men the ones attempting to bring the structure?]
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