is it wrong?

so im watching Dexter. the second series of it. this episode, an inconvenient lie, Dexter goes to NA. he has this cathartic moment when he says that he is feeling something for people who never mattered before. and it scares him.

is it wrong to understand and even identify with a character that is supposed to be a serial killer. i know i know, all you out there who know me well would say, well of course she does...AND i know that the whole point of the show is to show that anyone is really a minutiae away from stepping over that line...or is it trying to...i dunno...anyway...that's what really struck me minutes ago.

it sounds a little crazy and a little melodramatic, i know. but im going through something a little hard right now. someone has gotten under my skin...that hasn't really happened to me in a long while and its hard. i have just gotten the last one out of my system, i wasn't ready to have another worm its way in...i guess thats how it goes though. you can't get over someone until you fall for another one. but i don't know this one that well, is my imagination really THAT good?

i feel stupid. like i am going to go through these cycles of unbelievable happiness followed by a whole lotta pain followed by feeling not much for a long while.

i guess its shocking to feel intensely again, maybe thats what this is about. im out of practice, but how does this get easier? should it get easier? do i want it to get easier?

then again, do i want to fall deep and hard for someone over and over again in quick cycles? would that be possible or would my heart harden from the stress...

and through all this, my brain rages, it feels pretty stupid to be making such a deal over a boy i've met a handful of times...

i think i just want the excitement back. yes. i miss that.