a little strange

it feels a tad odd to make myself write. i just dont really have any motivation to write. but i know that writing, like most things, is habit. once i get into it, the words will flow and the motivation will come.

i returned friday morning. so groggy i felt insane. fell asleep on the tube, woke up terrified that i would get my stuff stolen or that i would miss my stop. but neither happened. i got home just fine, exhausted and a little high, but home.

i then crashed out like i have never crashed out before. then dragged myself up and out to Barfly to see the Stayaways

[ myspace.com/stayaways]

play. met their significant others

[wonderful amazing fantastically fun girls]

the gig was a tad disappointing, no fault of the boys, the sound tech was really off and they knew it. it was hard for them to get back onto their feet. but i sold some of their singles and got more names for the mailing list

[whoever recorded them this time was fantastic, the sound was so much warmer, not so tinny and cold, just really really good.]

and hung out with very nice people. so it was a good night. im glad that my first night back wasnt one locked in my room, that it was with people. it feels like a change, a good change for me. truly a new year.

then...the past two days i have been sitting here in my room watching Lost. yes boys and girls, i am now into Lost. i have come to care about all of those crazy people on that crazy island

[with the exception of michelle rodriguez. man i fucking hate her. dont know why, i think its that chip on her shoulder, she just isnt cool enough, for me, to pull that off.]

while those two days have been good to me, i am now beginning to get a little restless. i am eager to get back to work of some sort. i have some calls to make, and i guess some emails to send, but i am just hoping, praying that someone will call soon and hire me. i need to feel useless.

otherwise, what am i to do tomorrow. i guess i could clean up my room. go to a museum or something. thats probably a good idea. get up early. be a motivated consumer of art.

its strange living

[i was going to say here, but thats not really what i mean]

living without any real purpose. at college i had papers to write something to work towards...my degree...but here, there is nothing to work towards. just the next job to look forward to, the endless contemplating my

[non-existent and quite potentially pathetic]

love life.

[the previous sentence was not entirely true but im feeling a tad down so i cant listen to the monty python boys in their infinite wisdom]

ok it is time to combat the onset of depression. time to create something for me to do while i while away the hours waiting for someone to call.

now to find what exactly that will be...