an update...

a quick update as i am getting over being ill and am still getting used to getting up and working everyday.

[oh the laziness has deep roots. i did kind of like having a strange schedule, though i could make it that way, but i have too much work to do...]

wow, im a responsible adult. strange.

anyhow, the update is this, two videos of mine are up more should be coming down the pike...enjoy!

rocklouder.co.uk-paramore

clickmusic.co.uk-guillemots

im quite proud of the guillemots thing, its pretty strange, they are cool and bizarre. dont like their music that much-their single

["get over it" out march 25?]

is pretty good though.

by the by...mgmt, has hit it pretty big...they are pretty awesome. everyone should be getting into their stuff

brilliant lyrics written by strange boys

surf/jungle/country

awesome.

i missed it again!

damn damn damn. i keep forgetting that never mind the buzzcocks

[one of the best shows on television]

is on at 9pm on thursdays. crap. oh well, thank god for internet television.

i went today to see a blood red shoes perform at an instore at sister ray. a pretty

[apparently]

famous record shop in soho. they were outstanding. it is a duo from brighton who make these kick ass punk rock songs, that are also so rock'n'roll. laura-mary sings and plays guitar

[and she is so incredibly cool and sexy and incredible]

she was ill and couldn't sing, so the drummer, stephen, did the set alone. it was only five songs but singing and playing the drums

[especially the way they sing]

is unbelievably hard. he is hardcore punk rock. im impressed and want good things for them. great songwriters and interesting musical arrangements.

rock on rock on

it was great...

some very very good news

i have a job. a real life grown up job.

i am running the video department of a consortium of online music magazines. it is run by a network called sonic network. and the magazines are as follows...

www.clickmusic.co.uk
www.thisisfakediy.co.uk
www.rocklouder.co.uk


anyway, i am really very excited. its is amazing. a real paying job. i will be able to pay for rent, food, transport and other fun stuff all by myself.

plus, there is a chance that they will see if they can get me a visa and stuff. so i have to make it good.

its exciting and scary because i not only do i want to do well for me, but i am dying to impress them.

and to top it all off, at lunch i ran into matt, the guitarist from the rakes. its a sign, and a pretty fucking great one.

anyway, that is all for now, i am tired. actually getting up and doing stuff is really exhausting. but i shall get into the swing of things and have many interesting stories to tell and more things to talk about.

at some point i want to talk about heath ledger, the election amongst other things...more to come, more to come...

wierd....

its february. thats bizzarre. time is passing so incredibly quickly. but actually, even though i have decided and

[am soon to]

book my ticket home in april, i am not sad i am leaving. it has given me a lightness. like i only have a year to live...dont get me wrong, i am going to continue to apply for jobs and such, but there is an excitement i have about it now. there is no pressure. thank god.

i have realised that 6 months is no where near enough time to create contacts and to get steadily working. im not excusing myself

[i mean i am sort of]

but more than that, i am beginning to understand my limits...strange how growth is.

but i think the reason i am ok with this, is that i know its not the last time im going to be here and live here

[even though sometimes in bad moments i think so]

no, if i can't find a way back here job-wise, im going to go back to school. grad school and such. i need to find a way to pay for it

[crap]

but there is a great program at the university of east london that is very exciting for me.

this time here has been unbelievably important for me. i feel like i have discovered me and have been able to live in it. really live in it. its been amazing...and i have three months left here.

i am very excited now to go home, to find more jobs, to do a similar thing at home.

never before have i felt the importance of the sun and spring, i am so excited for spring for some reason.

[strange]

ive been watching studio 60 on the sunset strip. it has its pitfalls of course, it did lose its way about a third of the way through the series, and i completely understand why it got cancelled. saying all that though, the writing was great all the way through. the characters are amazing the setting is wonderous. i love the behind the curtain stuff

[even though it probably just adds to my sense of delirium about what reality is]

it makes me sentimental to working on a television show.

[not that i have ever worked on a television show...]

i want the community and the stress of show time and all that crap. i am excited. who the hell knows why.

good television, its not an oxymoron, it is possible and i want to work on it.

i am so sore

i worked yesterday. on a music video for a guy called Doug Walker for a song called The Mystery. to be honest, i kind of hate the song now, but the video was fun. it was very do it yourself, a lot of imagination. it was very hard work, the morning was spent hauling equipment up stairs. then hanging around the set. i was sent out to exchange helicopters for ufos that fly. that was way fun. i loved helping out the art department.

i think what i realised was that its really hard to be a runner when you dont have a goal in mind. i think if i knew i wanted to be a production designer or something it would be easier to sell myself. but i dont know that. maybe thats why i am here, to figure that out.

ive been thinking about graduate school. but i think one of the only reasons i was thinking that is so that i could stay here. its tempting, but im not sure i can justify spending money just to stay here. especially because the program im looking at is not perfect, its not exactly what i want. maybe i could make it what i want, but part of me is thinking that film school should be films school or else it is just pointless. on the other hand film school is pretty pointless as well

[from everything ive heard]

so maybe its better to have a combined theoretical and practical program that will give me the skills that i need but also let me do the intellectual thing that i so love. oh man this is a hard thing to think about. because i have just convinced myself its a good thing. plus i can do it part time which would give me time to work as well...good god.

so ted kennedy endorsed obama, thats great. i hope that our optimism and innocence can come back. thats what the kennedy name should do, lets hope it works.

im re-watching studio 60 on the sunset strip. god it was pretty brilliant until about halfway through. the writing remained great, but the story got lost in the love plots. i think its because they knew they weren't going to get renewed and they wanted to tell the story completely. but i kinda love it, its sorta perfect in its precisecity.

[thats not a word, but hey...]

i want direction, i want to know what i want to do. i think its gonna help that i am editing primarily for k. that will help. i want a skill set. i want to be really good at one particular thing. and sometimes i think the way to do that, to become clear is at school. good christ!

[what is wrong with me, i have wanted to work in the world for so long, but it turns out that i am really just impressive because of the amount i did while i was in school...]

pffft. i just dont know...any advice????

i just caught myself...

looking at graduate programs here in london.

i told myself i wasn't going to go back to school, and if i was, it was going to be to get a history degree or something. a fifth or sixth career move.

but no. im looking at media studies graduate programs.

they are interesting, like understanding culture industries.

damn it. no.

i don't want to be in school. i just want to stay, and this is what is happening. damn it all damn it all to hell.

but the university of london does look pretty good....

no.

ok....

so im hoping that this isn't against some sort of copywright law or really imprudent or pisses anyone off but i figured out how to put the video i made up for anyone who desires to see it. This is the making of a music video for the band Does It Offend You, Yeah?

[ myspace.com/doesitoffendyou]

disclaimer: I am sorry if this offends anyone...

[and yes, that WAS intentional]