so then what...

The headlining article on the Huffington Post newsletter is so unbelievably depressing. it's saying what everyone feels. that our democratic system is so corrupt that we are going to be stuck in this republican playground forever.

OK, i know i feel that, but

[and maybe this is a result of my still fresh idealism]

what do we do? it's all well and good to point out the problems. and that IS really important, if we don't know what the sickness is, then how would we be able to fix. However, it's not useful to just complain, what can we DO about it. The problem is that this seems so insurmountable. So much lying, so much back-handed dealing. what can we do? really, i think i know how the folks in pre-revolutionary France felt.

[and that's a scary thought, especially from me]

its hard to remember, in my cocoon of idealistic self analysis, or rather it is no fun to remember, that the world pretty much sucks right now. i am a student of history

[which just feeds into my non-presence here and is probably not a good thing]

and so i look at other periods of time and see what good comes from them, the revolutions that happened

[the political ones, the social ones, the cultural ones]

and i think...oh, why can't i have lived then? but then i snap out of it, and remember really what Bard taught me. the visceral experience of that history. i am positive, one hundred percent sure, unequivocally convinced that those revolutionaries felt exactly the same as i do now.

[not claiming that i am any sort of revolutionary...yet....]

i'm sure the hopelessness and despair that i feel now caused them to act, to do something.

i am now just searching for that vision, that spark of brilliance that infested their hearts and souls and led them to KNOW what they must do.

the problem is that, i want to have

[for the time being at least]

a life that isn't about revolution or great art. i want to be irresponsible and drink a little too much, have a little too much fun, go to music that is a little too loud, fall in love with people that will may or may not be "good" for me.

i want to experience the world.

Can I Do Both? at the same time? that's what this is about.

[i have been trying to figure out why i am writing this {blog i mean} and i realize that it always helps me come to a realization or renews my hope to talk, whatever the form this speaking might take.]

i want a rich life, full of revolution and superficiality.
what fun that will be.